Cryptocurrency is a world filled with volatility, jargon, and some very real heartbreak which makes it perfect material for comedy.
Whether you’re a seasoned investor, a meme coin enthusiast, or just someone watching the madness from the sidelines, these jokes will either make you laugh or cry. Maybe both.
1. The Harsh Reality of Crypto Investing
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“How do you make a million dollars in crypto?” Start with ten million.
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“How do you get $1,000 in cryptocurrency?” Invest $2,000.
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After years of investing and careful trading, I finally have a six-figure portfolio. Current balance: $10.0001
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I finally quit gambling… I do cryptos now.
2. Dads, Kids, and Shiba Inu Math
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A boy asked his dad for $10 worth of Shiba Inu. Dad: $16.57? What do you need $3.28 for?
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Dad, can I have 1 crypto please? What? You want $5.47? What will you do with $17.56? Here’s $7.32.
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Tried to explain crypto to my dad. Today he removed me from his will and transferred all assets back to his name.
3. Superman vs. Crypto Night (Yes, It’s a Theme)
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Why does Superman hate Bitcoin trading after 7 PM? Because it’s Crypto-Night.
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Superman goes to a costume party. Everyone’s dressed as crypto coins. He gets weak. It’s crypto-night again.
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Even though he had cash, Superman couldn’t pay his bar tab. It was crypto-night.
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Clark Kent skipped the Bitcoin party. Too much crypto-night.
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Batman invites all superheroes to talk Bitcoin. Superman stays home it’s crypto-night.
4. Tech Bros, Traders, and Chuck Norris
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How many crypto miners does it take to change a lightbulb? One to change it, 999 to verify. Or maybe 100,000 only one does the job, the rest confirm the transaction.
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Chuck Norris mines crypto… by hand.
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What do you call a smart home? One that steals neighbors’ Wi-Fi and power to mine crypto and pay its own mortgage.
5. FTX, Fraud, and Financial Tragedy
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NVIDIA launched a new crypto GPU: the 4090 FTX. It has one big meltdown, then you ship it to the Bahamas for repairs.
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What happened after the U.S. introduced the death penalty for crypto fraud? Bank-Man Fried.
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FTX filed for Chapter 11. With a CEO called Bankman-Fried, it was only a matter of time.
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With inflation at 7.5%, you lose half your money in 9 years. With crypto, you can do that in 1 year.
6. Tinder, Scams, and Online Love
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Pro-Tip: If a girl in a hot bikini DMs you about crypto… ignore him.
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Matched with a girl on Tinder. She didn’t promote her OnlyFans. Even better she helped me invest in crypto.
7. Bonus: Monkey Business and Village Economics
- A man offered villagers $10 for every monkey they catch. Then $20. Then he vanished, but his assistant offered to sell them monkeys back for $50. Welcome to crypto logic.